Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I see more hoeing in ur future
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