I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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