It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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