I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
