Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
