gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
