I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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