I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
