Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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