i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
