i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
