So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
