So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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