He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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