i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
