Me too!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
