What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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