Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
