Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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