If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize