The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
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I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
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You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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