tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
