Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
