check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
