Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
