i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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