I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
