I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a dumb baby whore.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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