He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
