He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
