I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
