just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we're making bets on your personal life
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
