Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Let's paint friendship bongs
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
