You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
