you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
