A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Is Oprah even human
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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