i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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