I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
