i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
