I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
