I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
