just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I did not marry a roomba.
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