Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
