This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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