Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
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