so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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