My liver just broke up with me...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
