dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
