what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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