sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
