I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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