Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
