her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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