After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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