i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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