hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
