i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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