you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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