Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
