just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
