Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
