This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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