return my video game
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Houston, we have a squirter
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
