apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
