on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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