This house was built for laser tag.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I have aggressive nipples.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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