Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
