I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
