You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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