I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
