I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
