Betty ford says i'm here all night
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
