just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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