I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
