Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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